I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
