She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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