did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
