You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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