Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
