you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sober January is a disaster.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
