Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
