I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
