3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
