he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
