what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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