I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
