Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
