Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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