those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
