went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
