u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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