He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
