I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
