Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
