He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
