mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
