it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
