There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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