Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize