Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
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Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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