Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
