Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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