Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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