NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
