if i died would you start the facebook group?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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