He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
