i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
