Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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