Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
