all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
