I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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