U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
