Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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