using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
