Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
