new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
COCAINE IS GR8
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
