...so i touched it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
