I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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