She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
