I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
