The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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