He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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