and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize