I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
