Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
