Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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