well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
