I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
