the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
