This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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