Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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