if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
