Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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